I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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