Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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