When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
