My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
