So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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