Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
