Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
