Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
