he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
