omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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