I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
