Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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