Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm always down for nudity.
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