OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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