its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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