She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
