I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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