So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
