im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
