He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
