John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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