I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
