shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
