You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
