remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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