I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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