My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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