Taylor Swift is so right about you.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
