I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
