How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
