Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
