So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
