Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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