So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
