I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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