That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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