Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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