Your mouth is God's brothel.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
