just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
