i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
