Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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