I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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