I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
