You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So gin and wine won't be happening again
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
