the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
