we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
