I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
