I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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