In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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