Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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