Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
