yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
50% drunk capacity currently
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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